Jul. 21st, 2016

benevolentspectre: (Default)
I've had my current job for just over a month now, and although no one will admit we have an infestation, we have an infestation. It started out with spiders. Then it shifted to beetles for about a day. We're back to spiders.

I like the beetles, honestly. They're cute, tiny, harmless (other than when I mistake one for a spider and scream before realizing it's just a friendly beetle), and the very opposite of terrifying. I love them all and either leave them alone or put them outside if they're somewhere particularly inconvenient.

The spiders on the other hand...

I don't like most bugs on a good day. Beetles are pretty much the sole exception to this (and butterflies, I guess. And usually moths). Spiders are so much worse than bugs.

I want to make clear that I don't have arachnophobia. I'm not scared of the spiders themselves, really. What I am scared of is the possibility that the spider may touch me. So if I see one in my home, I have to get rid of it because it might crawl on me when I'm not expecting it, or I might place my hand on it or step on it by mistake and so it must go. Unfortunately, I also can't kill them because of the "I can't let it touch me" problem, and so my go-to solution is vacuuming them.

We don't have a vacuum at work, and even if we did, I doubt my boss would appreciate me yanking it out at every hour of the day, regardless of if we have any clients, to dispose of a spider.

I feel it's necessary to make known too that these are the gross spiders. They are dark brown and large. The smallest one I've seen is about the size of the pad of my pointer finger, and again, that was the smallest. They have those nasty thick legs that make it so obvious exactly how they're moving as they skitter along. The only benefit to this particular type of spider is that they don't move quickly unless they're scared, so they're not hard to kill if caught unaware.

Three times now I have been humiliated and ashamed by these spiders. Three times I have embarrassed myself in front of my boss and/or coworkers through my fear that the spider was going to touch me.

The first time was pretty tame. It was near the beginning of the infestation, so I was on edge and always expecting one of the little beasts to be nearby. I was working on a computer, my back to the hallway, when my boss came up and mentioned a spider behind me. In a completely valid (read: ridiculous) reaction, I threw my hands up and gasped audibly before turning around and plastering myself to the cabinet behind me.

My boss killed the spider.

The second time was objectively the worst. I was standing in front of that same computer, though this time my back was to it as my boss and coworker were talking in the hallway. No more than a foot from my face, I see a black blob fall from the ceiling. And that thing fell. It wasn't just descending on a web like normal spider. No, this idiot lost his footing and plummeted to what should've been his death had he been a more reasonable creature rather than hellspawn.

Once again, I gasped audibly, though this time the gasp was accompanied by a yelled, "Oh my god!" and then, as the beast was crawling directly toward me, I ran. I was aiming for the door into the office, but in my panic, I missed and crashed straight into the wall.

My boss killed the spider.

The third time happened today. I was alone in the hallway when I spotted yet another demon crawling toward me without a care in the world. Everyone else was either busy or MIA, but I needed this thing gone, like, yesterday. Unfortunately, I am unable to kill them myself because of the whole "don't touch me" thing, so my next best option was to drop a paper cup over it until one of my coworkers had a free moment to kill it for me.

I got my paper cup. I got real up close and personal with the thing. But I didn't want to get too close even with my cup shielding my hand, because what if I missed and the thing crawled onto the cup and then onto my hand and then oh man my reaction would of course be flinging my hand everywhere and then the spider could end up anywhere including on my face and that just wouldn't do.

So I dropped the cup from a few inches above the spider. It bounced. Now not only was the spider still crawling toward me, but it was crawling with a vengeance. It was scared and angry and clearly going to kill someone and I was its first target.

So I screamed. Of course. No matter that there were clients all over the place and people on the phone etc etc there was a spider running toward me, I sure as hell was going to scream about it.

Oddly enough, no one even reacted. I finally had no choice but to interrupt one of my coworkers, despite her working with a client, and ask her to kill the spider. The majority of my coworkers know about my fear and are very nice about it (bar one who isn't nice about anything), so she dropped what she was doing and immediately killed the spider.

I've been wondering for awhile now if anyone's ever going to call an exterminator. I don't think anyone wants to admit that this is an actual infestation, but it really is. They're everywhere.

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Cammie

September 2016

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